Loki falls (again), gives dirty looks, and devises a plan
by names are hard guys
Summary: Loki had very nearly become the new ruler of Midgard. He'd had a plan, a purpose, a vendetta, and an immeasurable supply of rage and hatred. It didn't quite work out though, and now he has to face his punishment. One-shot. Directly following 'the Avengers.' Somehow managed to delete recently, so that was really smooth. But it's back, so no harm done.


Note: The numbers throughout the fic correspond to footnotes found at the end. I wanted to superscript them, but I didn't know how to on this website so they're in parentheses instead. I apologize.

* * *

Loki was, at present, falling. He had done a lot of falling in his time, be it the time Thor pushed him off his horse or the time Thor convinced him to jump off that cliff into that stream or that time he fell off the Bifrost. It was that last one that really solidified his desire to never fall again.

This fall, however, was in no way reminiscent of his fall from the Bifrost. See, that fall was more akin to being pulled somewhere you absolutely do not want to go by some great force of nature who will not take no for an answer no matter how much you cry that it will likely kill you(1).

No, no this fall was more like being forcefully shoved off a high place you weren't aware you were standing on. It was unexpected and unwelcome and only made Loki angry. Thankfully, a few minutes after the initial fall, it really felt more like flying, albeit a flight you weren't in control of and weren't really hoping for in the first place. It might actually be almost pleasant up until he would hit ground.

He knew he had some free time until this happened, however, so he decided to take this time to think.

Loki sighed as best as one could whilst rushing through space and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

_Banished_, he thought to himself. _I can't believe I've been banished_.

And he didn't even know _where_ he had been banished. This bothered him more than anything. Loki hated surprises, or rather, Loki hated being on the receiving end of surprises. All he knew is that he was not welcome in Asgard anymore and that he would no longer be allowed to live there.

It was a real boost to his self-esteem.

-Nine Days Prior-

Loki had very nearly become the new ruler of Midgard. He'd had a plan, a purpose, a vendetta, fabulous hair, and an immeasurable supply of rage and hatred. Not to mention the Tesseract and the scepter the Other(2) had given him. He had quite liked that scepter, too. It allowed him to control the hearts(4) of other people, which was incredibly convenient. Instant friend. Or minion or goon or ally or whatever…

He would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling oafs. 'The Avengers,' as Tony Stark had called them. A team of five mortals and one idiot Asgardian against Loki and a nearly endless supply of Chitauri, and Loki had lost. Embarrassing.

In the end, he was tossed in a SHIELD prison cell with his magic bound by handcuffs fashioned with Asgardian technology. There he remained for three boring and entirely uneventful (for him, anyways) days while the preparations were made to send him and Thor back home. It would have taken longer, were it not for the fact that the three individuals working on it were Dr Erik Selvig, Doctor Bruce Banner, and Tony Stark(5). They would have finished in two if it hadn't been for the drinking contest between Tony and Erik. Bruce had judged. Erik lost. Everyone threw up. It has not the best decision a group of three geniuses ever made.

On the morning of the forth day in his cell, Loki was woken up by a very solemn Thor, who was holding a muzzle.

_A muzzle._

Loki was mortified- not only was he to be brought back to Asgard as a war criminal in shackles, he would be wearing a muzzle. He very nearly thought it was a joke and he laughed at Thor.

"That's very funny Thor, now let's get out of here," he said as he sat up in his cot.

"This is not a jest, Loki. I've been instructed to-"

Loki cut him off "Instructed by whom?"

"The High Council of Asgard. Our Father-" Loki shot him a poisonous glare, so Thor corrected himself "-the Allfather was against it, as was I, but they insisted."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Thor admitted, "but the sooner you put it on, the sooner we can leave and put this all behind us."

It took another five minutes of talking and two minutes of forceful action for Thor to get Loki in the muzzle.

It was not Loki's finest day.

For some strange reason, it had been decided that everyone would meet in Central Park. Loki thought it strange that they would choose a location so readily accessible by reporters and paparazzi(6) and the innocent public. And besides, wasn't this to be somewhat… secret? It was certainly talked about as if the whole affair was some sort of covert operation – why were they so out in the open? Honestly, it made no sense to Loki, but he decided not to dwell on it.

To get there, Loki rode in the back of a SHIELD prisoner transport van driven by an agent whose name he couldn't be bothered to remember(7) with Thor in the front seat. The back of the van was separated from the front, thank the Norns, but Loki still had company. Two agents, who would be considered large if Loki wasn't six foot five inches tall in his boots and wearing enough leather to make anyone in the vicinity look like a wimp, sat across from him and watched his every move. Loki stared straight in front of him impassively. No need to get into a staring contest.

They were the last to arrive at Central Park. A van full of scientific equipment, including the Tesseract, had brought Dr Erik Selvig and Agent Clint Barton, Agent Natasha Romanoff and Dr Banner had taken a cab, Captain Steve Rogers rode his motorcycle, and Stark drove the flashiest car he had on hand.

Loki had about a thousand things he wanted to say about the whole affair and about the Avengers themselves, but the muzzle and his dignity prevented him.

He instead decided to take this opportunity to practice giving dirty looks. His facial expressions arsenal contained at least sixty-five variations(8) on the classic dirty look; but because the lower half of his face was obscured only twenty-six of them could be used effectively. He did his best to look menacing while wearing a thrice-damned muzzle, and he felt fairly successful. At least until Agent Romanoff whispered something to Agent Barton and the latter grinned in amusement. Now he was just being mocked(9). He didn't react, however, as that would just make it all worse.

After about ten minutes of goodbyes to Thor and some story-swapping and whatever else everyone was doing, it finally came time to leave. Thor stood next to him, holding the device containing the Tesseract. He held out one end for Loki to take, a gesture which was likely meant to say, "Hey, you're not a total prisoner – you still have some pride!" Loki found that amusing, as there wasn't much pride left to him now that he was to be paraded through Asgard in a muzzle.

Loki just couldn't get past the muzzle. It was quite possibly the most insulting and humiliating idea that the Council could have come up with. Loki swore that one day he would return the favor.

He begrudgingly took the handle that was offered to him and gave Thor dirty look number seventeen.

The device was activated when Thor turned the handle on his end. There was a strange pulling sensation and everything turned blue for about ten seconds until suddenly they were standing just outside the palace Loki had once called home.

He sneered at the ostentatious building just to show it that he didn't miss it at all. Loki would never, _never_ admit it, but he had been a little homesick… He pushed all the sentimental thoughts to the side and kept in step with Thor as he was led to the throne room.

It was there that Odin and Frigga were waiting. Odin's face was unreadable, but it was apparent that Frigga was distraught. The heartbreak on his not-mother's face pulled at a heartstring Loki wasn't aware he still possessed and he fought back a tear. He hadn't cried – really cried – since his fall from the Bifrost about a year ago. He had since wiped himself clean of his feelings of abandonment and dejection and other such sentiments, instead choosing to fill those parts of him with anger and chaos. In this moment, however, a bit of the old Loki bled through – the weak Loki who only craved approval and love.

_No_, thought Loki, _I am stronger than this now. I know longer wish for approval or love, but rather power, respect, and a little bit of mayhem._

His "pep-talk" worked, and soon his foolish sentiment was all but forgotten; enmity taking its place.

Thor brought him before the Allfather and his faithful wife and bowed.

"Father-" Thor began before Odin cut him off with a raise of his hand.

"Well done, Thor. You may go," said Odin dismissively(10), "I will speak with you soon."

"Yes father." Thor bowed again, looked to Loki with what appeared to be compassion, and left.

Once he knew Thor was gone, Loki opened his mouth to speak, but realized it was pointless when his jaw hit metal before opening all the way. It had hurt, but he refused to admit it, as that would only be more embarrassing.

Frigga ran to Loki and embraced him. He did not fully reciprocate the hug, but he did not pull away either. He gave her a pat on the back and said nothing while she cried into his shoulder, speaking to him incoherently between sobs. Something about her little boy and missing him and thinking he was dead – Loki wasn't sure.

It was an awkward moment for him, as he wasn't sure what to do. He had, at one point, loved this woman as his mother, and that would never truly go away, but it was certainly not what it once was. The emotion he felt was inexplicable – a strange combination of relief, apathy, and comfort.

Thankfully, the moment ended before it became unmanageable. Frigga pulled away and looked back to her husband, who gave her a nod. She (finally) unlocked the muzzle and let it fall to the floor. Before leaving she kissed his forehead and fixed his hair.

Loki worked his jaw about as best he could without looking like an imbecile before looking back to Odin.

"Allfather," he said simply.

Odin's expression (or rather lack thereof) softened for just a moment, before returning to its original blank slate.

Loki gave Odin dirty look number sixty-two, which, to a casual observer would look apathetic but to the recipient was absolutely poisonous. He had spent a good long while developing that one and he was very proud.

The rest of their conversation consisted of Odin asking Loki for explanations concerning his actions both in Asgard and in Midgard and Loki consistently circumventing his questions. Loki had made a promise to himself earlier that he would not cooperate or answer any questions. He was doing a rather fine job of it, too, up until…

"How did you survive your fall from the Bifrost? What happened? We had presumed you dead. We held a funeral and there was a lengthy mourning period and, and your mother was beside herself."

Loki fell silent. How had Odin convinced anyone to mourn him? He was never well-liked(11) and his last few days in Asgard had been less than ideal for his reputation.

"Loki?"

"Hm?" _How eloquent_, Loki thought.

"Loki how did you survive?" Odin repeated.

Loki licked his chapped lips, as the muzzle had been none to kind to them, and thought about how best to explain his return from the dead. "By the good graces of powerful man who saw potential."

Odin furrowed his brows and narrowed his one eye. "Who?"

"I was never told a name. I never met with him. I was only ever in contact with his second-in-command." Loki could think of no logical reason why he was suddenly spilling all this information, but he was and that was the end of it.

"Did _this_ man have a name?"

"Not that I know of. He was the leader of the Chitauri and he went by 'the Other.'" Loki thought this name was ridiculous and unnecessarily menacing for such a weak man, but he never said anything. 'The Other' had had his fate in his hands, as he was and is the only one in contact with Loki's mysterious benefactor(12).

Odin thought this over. Loki had given him no information up to this point and he was starting to work out the puzzle of what the Hel happened to his younger son. "And these were the people who told you of the Tesseract and supplied you with the scepter?"

Oh his beloved scepter! If only he had it back. Loki had only had it for about a week in total, but had grown rather attached to it. "Yes."

"Loki," Odin said firmly, "is there anything else you would like to add?" A piece of him hoped that Loki was under the influence of whomever had given him the scepter, just as the mortals had been, but Odin knew that wasn't the case.

Loki stood his ground and stared back at the Allfather with a scowl. He had already broken his previously decided rule to not tell him anything, and he wasn't going to make it any worse. "No."

And that was it. Odin knew Loki had shut down and would say nothing more, so he called in two guards.

They stood in front of the Allfather, awaiting orders. Neither of them was happy to be there, as they were admittedly scared of the younger prince. They were certainly stronger than he was, but Loki made them nervous for multiple reasons. First, the palace guards had been on the receiving end of a good number of Loki's _supposedly_ good-natured pranks and knew how much he delighted in the chaos that followed. Second, they had heard some terrible things about him recently. Some was true, but a lot of it was idle gossip(13). Lastly, he was currently giving the guards a look that was a combination between dirty look number four and a particularly disconcerting smile. Together, it said "you've ticked me off and I'm going to vastly enjoy the torture I've lined up for you."

"Replace the gag and take him away," ordered Odin.

Loki's eyes widened – was there really a reason for the muzzle? And hadn't Thor said it was the Council's decision and Odin was against it?

The guards walked towards him reluctantly and one picked the muzzle from the floor and readied himself to lock it around Loki's head. Based on the man's expression, Loki could only assume that he thought Loki might bite him. Ridiculous. Loki rolled his eyes and sighed, but when the man came close to him, he snarled and snapped his teeth. The guard jumped approximately three feet in the air in fear, dropping the muzzle back on the floor.

Loki just laughed.

He was escorted to his cell, which was actually much nicer than his one at SHIELD. This was because his cell was actually just his old room with an enchantment on the door. Loki was alright with this.

The received no guests during the time spent there. Apparently he wasn't allowed visitors for some reason, not that Loki particularly minded, as that meant no Thor. The muzzle stayed on at all times, save for meals when he was watched by a guard. Nothing of interest happened and Loki was bored.

The only word he heard concerning his punishment was that the Allfather was currently meeting with the Council. That had been five days ago.

When they finally decided, a guard had been sent to retrieve Loki who, at that moment, was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Loki looked to the guard as he entered and saw it was the same one he had scared five days earlier. He smiled beneath his mask.

"They've made their decision," the guard explained nervously.

Loki raised an eyebrow in response.

"You are to get ready and come with me to the throne room."

Loki rolled his eyes and got out of bed. He shooed the man out the door so he could change and fix his hair as best he could. There was no way he would face his punishment looking so disheveled. After a moment's thought, he decided to wear exactly what he'd been wearing when he came, as he thought the outfit made him look badass(14). It took him about an hour to put it on, what with the layers, but finally he deemed himself admissible.

He knocked on the door to be let out and was subsequently escorted to the throne room where the entire High Council of Asgard was waiting. Loki gave them dirty look number fifty-eight, which was a special one reserved for groups of eight to twenty. The guard removed the muzzle from Loki as quickly as possible and stood relatively far away from him.

Again, Loki worked his jaw about and cleared his throat once to be sure it still worked.

The Allfather stood up. "Loki Laufeyson-Odinson," he began.

_Well isn't that just a tedious surname?_ thought Loki sarcastically.

"Your punishment is decided. But- before it is final, we are giving you a chance to defend yourself."

This was obviously Odin's idea, as the other fourteen members of the Council looked very unhappy. Of course, they always looked unhappy.

"Loki?"

"I haven't anything to say," he said flatly. "I know exactly what I did, and I regret none of it." Lie. He regretted the method, if not the goal.

"This is your only chance, son," encouraged Odin.

"I'm not your son," Loki spat. "I never was; I never will be!" He looked to the other members of the Council, daring them to comment on his sudden outburst.

They didn't.

"So be it," Odin conceded. "Loki Laufeyson, your punishment includes the binding of your magic and indefinite banishment from the Realm Eternal."

_Well, at least it's not an execution_, Loki supposed.

"Should you continue down this path, you may face more severe punishment," Odin added with a tinge of sadness in his voice.

_How severe? Does he mean torture? Locked away in a dungeon? Execution?_

"So be it." Loki mimicked his not-father's words from a moment ago with a slight smile on his lips.

He watched as the shackles that had previously been binding his magic fell from his wrists, but he remained powerless. A wave of panic swept over him when the extent of his punishment hit him, but he refused to let the Council see that. He looked up from the ground and opened his mouth to speak when suddenly he was shoved backwards and started falling through a vast expanse that hadn't been there just a moment before.

After a twenty-minute long flashback, Loki was still falling.

He sighed again. Where exactly had he gone wrong?

Was it when he taunted the Hulk?

Was it when he brought the Avengers together by killing that man (what was his name)?

Perhaps it was when he decided to get caught on purpose in Stuttgart…

Or could it have been when he first exited the portal and killed those agents, solidifying himself as a threat?

Accepting the deal with the Other and his Chitauri was probably not advisable either.

And neither was letting himself get tossed off the Bifrost(15).

Maybe it was when he sent the Destroyer after Thor.

Or when he goaded Thor into that ill-fated trip to Jotunheim.

Of course, that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't let those jotun in to ruin Thor's coronation in the first place.

Which he wouldn't have done if Thor wasn't such an idiot.

That settled it. This was all Thor's fault.

Loki felt a new and welcome surge of hatred and in that moment realized what his new purpose would be – ruin Thor's life. To do so would require his magic, however. This was a problem. Less than thirty seconds passed before Loki thought up an idea:

Redemption.

He decided that after a short period of brooding in anger, he would 'see the light,' as it were, and begin to have a change of heart. Soon, he would be trusted again and he would have his magic returned and all would be well for a short time. Then – Then he could really cause some chaos. He smiled in a manner that is strictly reserved for plotting super-villains, and let out a manic laugh.

A moment later, Loki his ground.

He continued laughing to mask the pain he was currently in as he crawled out of the crater he had made upon landing.

It was the middle of the night and the only thing Loki could see, apart from stars and dirt, was a sign.

"Welcome to New Mexico"

Perfect.

* * *

Footnotes:

1. Perhaps it had been like this because that was, in fact, a very loose definition of a vortex- the very thing Loki had fallen into.

2. The Other is the moniker of Thanos' right-hand man and leader of the Chitauri(3). He had two thumbs, smelly breath, a particular fondness for touching his surroundings, and a nasty temper. He never tells anyone his real name, as he is incredibly embarrassed by it and thinks that 'the Other' sounds ominous and foreboding, which it does.

3. The Chitauri are – or rather were – a barbaric race of aliens from a far-away galaxy in the outer reaches of space in the direction of the constellation Orion. Their strengths included a vast array of high-tech weaponry, what we would consider "super" strength, transportation in the form of flying beasts called Leviathan, and terribly off-putting looks. Their weaknesses included not being able to, in the words of one Agent Clint Barton, "bank worth a damn" when driving their gliders, low-level intelligence, and a hive mind connected to their 'mother-ship.' It was the hive mind that did them in. When Tony Stark threw that nuclear missile into the portal, it hit their ship and destroyed the hive mind, killing all the Chitauri. The Other was not killed in this because he was not actually of the Chitauri race.

4. A common misconception concerning Loki's scepter was that it controlled minds. This is inaccurate. You see, mind control is tedious and bothersome. It requires constantly telling your victim everything he or she must be doing at any given moment. It is rather like having a zombie around who, instead of eating you, caters to your every whim. It's nice at first, but soon you realize just how uncomfortable it is to have a zombie constantly standing there waiting for orders. This is why people generally opt to control hearts. This way, the individual keeps all their higher brain functions and personality, but will now believe in and fight for your cause, whether it is to abolish free will and help you rule the Earth or to give you a foot massage every day. Your victim will still be able to think for themselves and take care of themselves, but would follow you to the ends of the Earth. Having a human being with a working brain on your side is better than a hundred zombies whom you have to order around incessantly. Trust me on this one.

5. SHIELD had certainly taken a gamble putting Tony Stark on the project. This was not because Stark is unintelligent – in fact he is one of the smartest people alive – but because he generally does not play well with others. Fortunately, it was found that if said others were on the same caliber of intellect, he was more than happy to work with them. He still prefers to be in charge though.

6. Yes, Loki knew what paparazzi meant – is that so strange? You think he was completely clueless as to the workings of Midgard? Please.

7. The agent's name was Will Haynes. He had recently crossed Maria Hill in a bad way and as punishment had been assigned a number of undesirable jobs, one of which included chauffeuring unpleasant and/or annoying and/or dangerous people around the city. His last tweet before picking up the two Asgardians was as follows: "have to drive some weirdos around. again. fml." He was subsequently fired for his lack of professionalism and because Maria Hill just didn't like him very much.

8. The average individual would likely be able to distinguish only thirty-three of these as separate and distinct expressions, but Loki insisted that they varied in the eyes and in the tightness of the jaw. The average individual would then say 'oh, okay, whatever,' and Loki would then get upset and give him or her dirty look number six.

9. If you were curious, Agent Romanoff had said something along the lines of, "the muzzle really brings out his eyes." She also considered making a Hannibal Lecter joke, making fun of Loki's hair, or bringing up just how beat up the 'puny god' was. Yes, everyone knew about the Hulk's crack at Loki, thanks to JARVIS.

10. It's worth noting at this point, that although Odin comes off as a bit rude at times, it is because he is a king and a father to two of the most difficult children in all the Nine. Odin loves his children very much, and wants only the best for them, but is a bit harsh at times. Frigga chastises him for this constantly, but Odin rarely relents. If you were to ask Thor about it, he would say that there is no better king or father than Odin. If you were to ask Loki, he would give you dirty look number fifty-seven.

11. This was, in fact, not true. Admittedly, Thor was more popular, but Loki was in no way widely hated, as he said he was. Yes, there were people who hated his guts, mainly due to his affinity for pranks and mischief, but everyone has enemies. There were actually a good many people who very much enjoyed his company, but it seemed Loki was unaware. He even thought that Sif and the Warriors Three disliked him. Sif, perhaps, was not too keen on him, and Hogun was distrustful of everyone by nature, but Fandral and Volstagg both liked Loki a lot. In fact, Fandral would have preferred Loki to Thor if Loki had only accepted the fact that some people genuinely wanted to be around him. All the bridges were burned between Loki and the four of them when he sent the Destroyer to kill Thor and nearly killed them in the process. Even then, they could have maybe gotten past it, as they all had a few millenniums left to live, but Loki pushed it further and there was really no coming back from that. The point is though, that Loki is melodramatic and thinks that the whole of Asgard has hated him his entire life. It's sad, yes, but self-inflicted.

12. who we already mentioned was named Thanos back in footnote three, but Loki didn't know that.

13. According to the grapevine, Loki wasn't actually Loki and had been replaced years ago by a shape-shifting jotun who wanted Asgard for himself. Apparently, the jotun tried to destroy Jotunheim because he had been rejected, due to his height, and to get rid of evidence pointing to him. Thor had saved the day by pushing the imposter off the Bifrost and the Allfather tried to cover up the whole thing. The jotun had returned, however, to rule Midgard instead, still wearing Loki's face, that bastard. Thor had been sent to bring him back for execution. Another popular rumor was that Loki was throwing a cosmic-scale hissy-fit because he couldn't be king of Asgard, so he decided to crown himself king of another realm. Actually, that second rumor was pretty close to the truth…

14. A word he learned from Agent Clint Barton during his stint as a minion. In a moment of vanity, Loki had asked him if his cape was a bit much, to which Barton said, "You look badass either way." When Loki looked confused, Barton laughed and explained the term to him. It was a nice bonding moment.

15. In reality, Loki had not been tossed off the Bifrost. He had a pretty firm grip on the end of Odin's spear, Gungnir, and Thor had a pretty good grip on the top of it and Odin had a pretty good grip on Thor's ankle. Emotions were running too high in that moment, however, so Loki had made the very stupid decision to just let go. This is how he ended up in the vortex mentioned earlier in footnote one.

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A/N: So, this was my first fic, and I'm (obviously) still getting the hang of it, so please review! Tell me what you thought. Any comments are welcome- be they positive or constructive criticism or whatever. I'm trying to work on my admittedly abysmal writing skills, and would very much appreciate your assistance in doing so. Thanks!


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